I used to love you, lover, but now it feels so wrong. We used to go out drinking. Dancing all night long. I came home late one night, her face bathed in the TV’s light. We all sleep alone. I never sleep alone. Under the covers, we can rest our bones. I’m drinking like a dog can bark. I’ll meet you at the high water mark. Veiled threats and hyperbole. You’ll find me lying in the still of the weeds. We tried to save our money, but now the money’s gone. Just blame the neon sign. Just blame it’s siren song. A sea of violence, rising higher. Words you said on a Friday night:
“Hold me closer. Hold me tight”.
Market crashed on the house again. I went out to find some friends.
Track Name: Times Infinity
Look at the mess you’ve made, lurching forward, clinging to your glory days. Clutching your faith in fear while your promises disappear. We are a love that fades. We are a job that pays. We are irrational age. We are numbers on a page. We’ve got the putrid reek of unattainable dreams. You are disgusting. You’ve ruined everything. This is not the way it had been. No hope for the daydreaming kids. A crumbling figurehead. The walking dead. Buried our love in the sullen sky and rolled our eyes. This ain’t no way to live, but it’s all we’ve got. Resting our heads on a burning bed, a life left to rot. Into a desperate future, into the rolling tide. A death rattle in an empty room. A last gasp. Goodbye. Praise be to the digital void. Overworked and barely employed. Dull the knife and dig it in deep. We’re all so unique, we could cry. Just roll your eyes.
Track Name: Gold Chain
“Kneel down at the foot of the bed”,
he said. “You’re doing fine.”
This paper skin’s only good for tonight. You’re past your prime. It’s getting harder to beat the clock. It’s hard to know what to say. Doors were open, you paid them no mind and you went on your way. Years pass, and you try to survive. Sliding down through a dull suicide. Locked doors and hunger pains. You turn hard and the streets sympathize. It’s a gamble or a coin in each eye.
“Baby, you’re doing fine.”
Lie awake and your mind comes alive. It turns a key. Pours out all the time that’s gone by like a cold machine. It’s still summer. You’re still nineteen. You hear them call. It’s just a voice past the lock in the door. An ugly fight in the hall. Drink fast, it ain’t no candy. Run yourself into a wall. Flashing lights and halos. Visions of the bathroom stall. Gold chain on the tip of your lips, just beyond your teeth. Bitter on the tip of your tongue. Just beyond your reach.
Track Name: Flower Child
Dropped out of life when she dropped you. You pass the time. The sun rises and sets when you want it to - just close your eyes. That little girl’s so far away, she don’t know where you are. Spin down the hole and you wake in a bed or a cell or your car. This ain’t no way to say goodbye. Rain patterns the glass on the driver’s side. You dug this rut, you selfish fuck. Swallowed the key. The past comes alive in your dreams, in the abject dark. They fade in the grey of your eyes, in the skin of your arms. The winter months are hungry, they’ll skin your bones. Might as well spend your money drinking alone.
The sky, a pall.
a slow and ugly crawl.
Inside your mind, you’ll breathe
a clean and burning hell.
This ain’t no way to say goodbye. Heat sputters and spits from a vent nearby. If your nature be your enemy, your fatal flaw, better to break and lick the blood from off it’s claws. The writing’s on the wall.
Track Name: Absentee
It does no favours for a heavy heart. Your words were slick and slipping from the start. The tongue’s stale film of beer will linger long after you’ve left here. Stumble home. Unplug the phone. Leave it alone. You set yourself on fire tonight. A blurry, bloody mess. Your title fight. Spit a tooth across streetlights. Smile through missing pieces for the rest of your life. Two bolt locks on her bedroom door. She don’t hold your hand no more.
Mary Lee, god rest your soul.
Help me fill these rotten holes.
It’s going to take a long time. A piece of glass ain’t peace of mind. Some pretty pictures on the walls. Nothing else to look at in that legion hall. So when’s the good lord coming home to collect your jaundiced flesh and aching bones? (His holy voice, a dial tone). When summer ends. When the birds have flown. Put out another half-smoked cigarette on your wrist until you can forget the way her mouth would curl into a smile. It’s only love that burns away denial. You’ll fall asleep after a while. In your dreams, her arms extend for miles.
Track Name: Wolves Ov The Union
Twenty years down, you still smell the fuel in the back of the shed. Don't turn around. You turn around and you're fucking dead. Just skin and bones. Teeth so big, you're embarrassed to smile. Stay there awhile. Tack on some damage. Ride it for miles. There's a complex in the cobwebs above. Cannibalistic human love.
They’re setting fires in the filthy ravine.
They’re sniffing pills off the length of their sleeves.
They’re breaking bottles.
They’re looking for me.
They’ll get their kicks until it bleeds.
Plug your ears and pretend that you’re deaf. Shut your eyes until there’s nothing left. In the dry pulse of a summer night, you slow your breathing and hit the lights. The only hell is the hell that we make. The by-products of drunken mistakes. They burn your bridges into the ground. They get lean and they come back around. Crawling up from a foggy past. They drag their sodden bellies on the dew of the grass saying,
“C’mon, don’t you remember me?
We mixed blood and we cut our teeth.
I know you better than you know yourself.
I know the secrets that your flesh won’t tell.
We’re all victims. We’re all the same.
Spent years straining on the length of our chains.
It’s no one’s fault. It’s the price that we pay.
Some of us swim. Some go under the waves.”
And the yellowed eyes betray. Deny their humanity. An empty word on an empty street. Yellowed eyes look away. A flash of white and a quick retreat. Broken glass reflects a morning sun. Another day on the run.
Track Name: Little Weed
Scratch the years right off your life on the paint that’s flaking on the bars in front of you. It’s a game they’re playing. You’ll be behind forever. Little weed, a couple pills. You’re a monster, baby. Vilified by buried eyes and forced into a slave wage. Still young and getting older.
Felt the trap door slide away from underneath you. A little deeper every day, and it gets so easy to erase yourself. Money in and money out. This is war they’re waging.
Smaller the cage, meaner the rat,
and the rats keep waiting, blacking out their eyes.
They lie here, salivating, growing ill from the inside out. Let them out.
Track Name: Psychic Youth
Been waiting for this moment all our lives. Two hundred thousand years within our eyes. And it’s the end of the line. Grew up fast with fast-tracked minds. Time moves forward. Ride or taste the wheel. Your town is buried under glass and steel. Progress is constant. We cave to its will. Driven to burn. Driven to kill. One day, the vein will bleed no more. The lights will die outside the door. We’ve raised a monolith. When we pass out, when we drop off. When we’re left where we lay on the sidewalk to rot through another day of the week. Colourless eyes in summer heat.
And where was this life that we were sold?
Go broke and grow old.
Track Name: Drugged Up And Elated
Little white lies.
“I’ll be just fine”.
You’ll see me smiling at the finish line. My friends all slipped away, but my baby’s here to stay. I feel her breath against my ear. I slip it in when the coast is clear. She moves me, sweet and slow. My world, soft indigo. I’m writing a novel. I’m writing songs. I watch television all day long. I’m saving money. I’m leaving here. I’m breaking habits - switching to beer. I’ll save my love between these walls. I walk around the shopping mall. She’s breaking hearts and minds at will. She’s still got mine beneath her veil. And when she hits like sudden rain, structure dissolves and colours change. And life ain’t anything at all. We kiss like snakes and we crawl and crawl. Warm honey drips inside of me. She pulls me closer when I want to leave. Choking on stale air, on blood and dust. There ain’t no feelings that I can trust.
For where we are is Hell,
the man had said to me.
And where Hell is,
there must we ever be.
Track Name: Kowloon
This town is mine. Every pair of eyes, every broken stare. Cold, incomplete. Bored of the beat. Say a silent prayer for all the west-end babies still doing fine, licking the moisture off the bar til closing time. The lights are coming up.
“In another life”, they say, “I did it all.”
Dionysus gone to rot. Hit the ice and fall. Dream within the rolling wheels. Grind your teeth. Wrestle with the one you fuck. Accept defeat. It’s alright. It’s a collect call. It’s temporary. Take it all. Sunglasses under cloudy skies. Band of the week. Go out to eat or masturbate. Kiss on the cheek. It’s self-defeating. Fear and hostility survive, breeding like roaches in the corners of your mind. Ignore the answers. Ignore the tightness of your throat. Scream from the rafters some status update that you wrote. It’s not enough to make you feel alive and volatile and real. Could be a plane or a shooting star. A healing hand or a brand new scar. In a loveless world, you take what you can get. Just like all the rest.